77 year-old Grilled Birds assistant coach Nuh Alawee Ramli would retire after multiple decades in the post, as he expressed a wish to spend more time with his family. "It's time to enjoy that CPF account before it's too late." he quipped. "And the missus has been nagging me about wanting another pair of hands for the great-grandkids."

Nuh made sure to dismiss rumours that his departure was related to the tenure of new boss Dan Alstani. "I've been working with Dan for ages, as you all know - that doesn't even make sense. It's true that he has encountered some teething troubles in his first month or two in charge, but that has been the case for some of our best head coaches in the past."

Nuh's replacement on the coaching staff would be 55 year-old sports psychologist Neo Kian Ping, who will begin working with the squad immediately. "I'm a Birds fan myself - and believe me, a lot of their early-season... slump, was all in the head!"

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